Every good and perfect gift comes from above

I recently realized that I had defined the way God relates to people--and that I had defined it incorrectly.

I understood that God related to me by challenging me, by leading me through the desert places, and through those times I really did grew incredibly. In fact, I began to think that I only grew when God put me through suffering. I believed that his blessing to me was suffering. I believed that people who did not suffer did not grow. I was thankful that God did not give me good things.

Then someone pointed out to me that God actually enjoys giving good things to his children. That teaching them through suffering was an anomaly, not the standard method. That just like a father wants to give his child wonderful things, to shower them in blessings, so my father in heaven loves me and wants to give me every good thing he can!

I know this seems like a simple realization, but it has radically transformed my life and my relationship with God and with other people. Now I can still be thankful for my past experiences and the growth that resulted from some very difficult times, but I can also enjoy the good things that are placed in my life. I feel free to love and to enjoy!

In this realization, I have been able to focus on the blessings that God has given me, which, to be honest, was breath to my soul. In the last year I became frustrated with God, asking him when he would finish dragging me through the dirt. I had had enough of sorrow and grief. I thought that he would never stop growing me through hardship and I did not think I could make it any further.

Thank you, mi querido Dios, for redeeming me. Thank you for persistently loving me. Thank you for wanting to give me good things. Thank you for the suffering I encounter. Thank you for helping me realize that yes, one way you relate to me is by carrying me through the desert, or making me eat my spinach, but you also cherish me and want to bless me with good things.

"Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

The power of music

Lately I have thought so much about what Music does for the soul. I cannot sing a hymn without praying; it somehow forces me into a posture of repentance. If I come to a song already with that posture, then my soul resonates with the chords of the song. Those are the most wonderful moments.

As an intercultural studies major, we talk about how strategic it is to learn the local music style and to use it in evangelism. It always seemed so strategic and practical to do that, but there's a reason that is so effective: music is the language of the soul. I am increasingly more convinced of it.

I am learning to relate to people through their preferred style of music. I recently decided to start learning Christian rap so that I can relate to a different culture. I started to learn mariachi because many of my coworkers love that music. It creates such open doors for soul moments.

But also, i need to be careful what music I am dwelling in. It hugely affects my mood. If I listen to praise and worship music--even if I am not in the "right mood" for it--it makes me focus more on God that day. I can tell a difference! If I listen to angry music, then I will be angry. I am allowing my soul to participate with the musicians I listen to. I've never set boundaries with music before, but I think that they really are necessary. I want to nurture and cultivate certain desires and passions and then not give free reign to others.

*disclaimer: sorry about my lazy communication in this post. Couldn't think well enough to write well.

Blue Like Jazz

While I am on a roll with confession, let me also add that I have never been good with tithing. In fact, I haven't regularly given to the church in years. I always convince myself that I am generous with my friends and that is just as good as tithing.

Oh, my.

This last week at church my pastor spoke about giving of your talents and resources to the body. As the household of faith we are supposed to give freely, not because we are obligated to give such and such percentage of what we have, but because if the body needs something, it is simply natural and right to give to them.

Mmm, yes. I agree with this. That's how I was with my friends after all...right?

Unfortunately it did not quite sink in at that moment, but today I was reading Blue Like Jazz and I was confronted with this idea yet again.

"It did me no good to protest America's responsibility in global poverty when I wasn't even giving money to my church, which has a terrific homeless ministry."

Okay. I am starting to see more and more. Giving to the church is an indicator of your heart. It seems so simple, but why is it so hard for me to get in the habit of doing?

Confession

I confess that lately I have been consumed by doubt.
I confess that I am afraid.
I confess that I have made God an ideal instead of a person.

I confess that I try to talk myself into being okay instead of sitting in my grief and waiting to hear the voice of God.

Thank you, Richard, for speaking to me today. Thank you for helping me remember that I don't need to act out God's part of the relationship as well as my own. God is a person. He can play his role if I patiently wait for him to do so.

Learning to imitate Paul

"If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. for his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him. . ."


So, recently I have had a few people really close to my heart express disappointment in my choice of major. As a result, I got incredibly stressed about what I am doing with my life--apparently a typical crisis for a college sophomore. I even had one person say that they wished I was off at MIT studying nuclear physics or something like that. Let's face it, I could never get into MIT nor make it as a physicist, however, the point was made. I threw away a promising career for a ministry that promises a never-ending financial struggle. Foolishness, they say.

A long time ago, I heard someone say they wanted to live in such a way that could not be explained without the gospel. I prayed that God would help me live that kind of life, and that is what I pursued in coming to Biola. But I have struggled so much with losing the approbation of these people, so much so, that I almost willing gave up my dreams for theirs. Then, I stumbled across these verses in Philippians and realized that Paul gave up a promising career to serve Christ. Surely my potential was not nearly as great as Paul's, but he counted it all rubbish in order to serve Christ. He left high standing in his community for a life of persecution and imprisonment.

Foolishness, you say? I say the gospel. I say there is surpassing worth in knowing Christ. I choose to follow God in ways that are inexplicable without the gospel. I will not give up his calling on me for a life of comfort.

God give me strength to follow you.