Blue Like Jazz

While I am on a roll with confession, let me also add that I have never been good with tithing. In fact, I haven't regularly given to the church in years. I always convince myself that I am generous with my friends and that is just as good as tithing.

Oh, my.

This last week at church my pastor spoke about giving of your talents and resources to the body. As the household of faith we are supposed to give freely, not because we are obligated to give such and such percentage of what we have, but because if the body needs something, it is simply natural and right to give to them.

Mmm, yes. I agree with this. That's how I was with my friends after all...right?

Unfortunately it did not quite sink in at that moment, but today I was reading Blue Like Jazz and I was confronted with this idea yet again.

"It did me no good to protest America's responsibility in global poverty when I wasn't even giving money to my church, which has a terrific homeless ministry."

Okay. I am starting to see more and more. Giving to the church is an indicator of your heart. It seems so simple, but why is it so hard for me to get in the habit of doing?

Confession

I confess that lately I have been consumed by doubt.
I confess that I am afraid.
I confess that I have made God an ideal instead of a person.

I confess that I try to talk myself into being okay instead of sitting in my grief and waiting to hear the voice of God.

Thank you, Richard, for speaking to me today. Thank you for helping me remember that I don't need to act out God's part of the relationship as well as my own. God is a person. He can play his role if I patiently wait for him to do so.

Learning to imitate Paul

"If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. for his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him. . ."


So, recently I have had a few people really close to my heart express disappointment in my choice of major. As a result, I got incredibly stressed about what I am doing with my life--apparently a typical crisis for a college sophomore. I even had one person say that they wished I was off at MIT studying nuclear physics or something like that. Let's face it, I could never get into MIT nor make it as a physicist, however, the point was made. I threw away a promising career for a ministry that promises a never-ending financial struggle. Foolishness, they say.

A long time ago, I heard someone say they wanted to live in such a way that could not be explained without the gospel. I prayed that God would help me live that kind of life, and that is what I pursued in coming to Biola. But I have struggled so much with losing the approbation of these people, so much so, that I almost willing gave up my dreams for theirs. Then, I stumbled across these verses in Philippians and realized that Paul gave up a promising career to serve Christ. Surely my potential was not nearly as great as Paul's, but he counted it all rubbish in order to serve Christ. He left high standing in his community for a life of persecution and imprisonment.

Foolishness, you say? I say the gospel. I say there is surpassing worth in knowing Christ. I choose to follow God in ways that are inexplicable without the gospel. I will not give up his calling on me for a life of comfort.

God give me strength to follow you.

Just a short thought I stole

I confess. Like all sophomore college students, I have been so stressed about what I am doing with my life. I am pretty sure I have wanted to be a missionary my whole life and now I am starting to realize all the different ways you can do that. I keep trying to pick the perfect role for me according to my interests and abilities. I keep begging God for an answer--What is your will for me, O God!

Instead...shouldn't we just ask God, what is your will? and then find our place inside of that? We cannot know God's will for us individually until we know his will for the church. Only then can we begin to see the good work he's prepared for us.

--All credit goes to my wonderful professor, Dr. Bartlotti.
Praise the Lord for giving us leaders with a passion for God's glory!

30 Days of Prayer

Well, for my Intro to Islam class I was given a Frontiers 30 days of prayer book that takes your through different Muslim people groups that need prayer. I'm pretty excited about this. I've wanted to do something like this for a while, but I didn't really have anything to go off of. I know lately i have talked a lot about developing compassion for people across the world, and I think that getting on your knees and praying for them is a good place to start. So here it goes. Please pray with me.

Today I am praying for the people in Uzbekistan. Embarrassingly enough, I hadn't actually heard of this country before. From what I understand the creation of new churches is illegal, so the few believers who are there have to meet in homes or in old russian and korean churches. Anyone who is caught holding religious meetings in their homes are sentences to 17 years in prison and their possessions are confiscated. Also, the socio-economic situation there is pretty rough. they have a high unemployment rate, and consequently women are forced to provide for families through prostitution. There's a little bit of information that Frontiers provided. If you read this, please take a moment to pray for them. God cares deeply for these people.