Every good and perfect gift comes from above

I recently realized that I had defined the way God relates to people--and that I had defined it incorrectly.

I understood that God related to me by challenging me, by leading me through the desert places, and through those times I really did grew incredibly. In fact, I began to think that I only grew when God put me through suffering. I believed that his blessing to me was suffering. I believed that people who did not suffer did not grow. I was thankful that God did not give me good things.

Then someone pointed out to me that God actually enjoys giving good things to his children. That teaching them through suffering was an anomaly, not the standard method. That just like a father wants to give his child wonderful things, to shower them in blessings, so my father in heaven loves me and wants to give me every good thing he can!

I know this seems like a simple realization, but it has radically transformed my life and my relationship with God and with other people. Now I can still be thankful for my past experiences and the growth that resulted from some very difficult times, but I can also enjoy the good things that are placed in my life. I feel free to love and to enjoy!

In this realization, I have been able to focus on the blessings that God has given me, which, to be honest, was breath to my soul. In the last year I became frustrated with God, asking him when he would finish dragging me through the dirt. I had had enough of sorrow and grief. I thought that he would never stop growing me through hardship and I did not think I could make it any further.

Thank you, mi querido Dios, for redeeming me. Thank you for persistently loving me. Thank you for wanting to give me good things. Thank you for the suffering I encounter. Thank you for helping me realize that yes, one way you relate to me is by carrying me through the desert, or making me eat my spinach, but you also cherish me and want to bless me with good things.

"Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

The power of music

Lately I have thought so much about what Music does for the soul. I cannot sing a hymn without praying; it somehow forces me into a posture of repentance. If I come to a song already with that posture, then my soul resonates with the chords of the song. Those are the most wonderful moments.

As an intercultural studies major, we talk about how strategic it is to learn the local music style and to use it in evangelism. It always seemed so strategic and practical to do that, but there's a reason that is so effective: music is the language of the soul. I am increasingly more convinced of it.

I am learning to relate to people through their preferred style of music. I recently decided to start learning Christian rap so that I can relate to a different culture. I started to learn mariachi because many of my coworkers love that music. It creates such open doors for soul moments.

But also, i need to be careful what music I am dwelling in. It hugely affects my mood. If I listen to praise and worship music--even if I am not in the "right mood" for it--it makes me focus more on God that day. I can tell a difference! If I listen to angry music, then I will be angry. I am allowing my soul to participate with the musicians I listen to. I've never set boundaries with music before, but I think that they really are necessary. I want to nurture and cultivate certain desires and passions and then not give free reign to others.

*disclaimer: sorry about my lazy communication in this post. Couldn't think well enough to write well.

Blue Like Jazz

While I am on a roll with confession, let me also add that I have never been good with tithing. In fact, I haven't regularly given to the church in years. I always convince myself that I am generous with my friends and that is just as good as tithing.

Oh, my.

This last week at church my pastor spoke about giving of your talents and resources to the body. As the household of faith we are supposed to give freely, not because we are obligated to give such and such percentage of what we have, but because if the body needs something, it is simply natural and right to give to them.

Mmm, yes. I agree with this. That's how I was with my friends after all...right?

Unfortunately it did not quite sink in at that moment, but today I was reading Blue Like Jazz and I was confronted with this idea yet again.

"It did me no good to protest America's responsibility in global poverty when I wasn't even giving money to my church, which has a terrific homeless ministry."

Okay. I am starting to see more and more. Giving to the church is an indicator of your heart. It seems so simple, but why is it so hard for me to get in the habit of doing?

Confession

I confess that lately I have been consumed by doubt.
I confess that I am afraid.
I confess that I have made God an ideal instead of a person.

I confess that I try to talk myself into being okay instead of sitting in my grief and waiting to hear the voice of God.

Thank you, Richard, for speaking to me today. Thank you for helping me remember that I don't need to act out God's part of the relationship as well as my own. God is a person. He can play his role if I patiently wait for him to do so.

Learning to imitate Paul

"If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. for his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him. . ."


So, recently I have had a few people really close to my heart express disappointment in my choice of major. As a result, I got incredibly stressed about what I am doing with my life--apparently a typical crisis for a college sophomore. I even had one person say that they wished I was off at MIT studying nuclear physics or something like that. Let's face it, I could never get into MIT nor make it as a physicist, however, the point was made. I threw away a promising career for a ministry that promises a never-ending financial struggle. Foolishness, they say.

A long time ago, I heard someone say they wanted to live in such a way that could not be explained without the gospel. I prayed that God would help me live that kind of life, and that is what I pursued in coming to Biola. But I have struggled so much with losing the approbation of these people, so much so, that I almost willing gave up my dreams for theirs. Then, I stumbled across these verses in Philippians and realized that Paul gave up a promising career to serve Christ. Surely my potential was not nearly as great as Paul's, but he counted it all rubbish in order to serve Christ. He left high standing in his community for a life of persecution and imprisonment.

Foolishness, you say? I say the gospel. I say there is surpassing worth in knowing Christ. I choose to follow God in ways that are inexplicable without the gospel. I will not give up his calling on me for a life of comfort.

God give me strength to follow you.

Just a short thought I stole

I confess. Like all sophomore college students, I have been so stressed about what I am doing with my life. I am pretty sure I have wanted to be a missionary my whole life and now I am starting to realize all the different ways you can do that. I keep trying to pick the perfect role for me according to my interests and abilities. I keep begging God for an answer--What is your will for me, O God!

Instead...shouldn't we just ask God, what is your will? and then find our place inside of that? We cannot know God's will for us individually until we know his will for the church. Only then can we begin to see the good work he's prepared for us.

--All credit goes to my wonderful professor, Dr. Bartlotti.
Praise the Lord for giving us leaders with a passion for God's glory!

30 Days of Prayer

Well, for my Intro to Islam class I was given a Frontiers 30 days of prayer book that takes your through different Muslim people groups that need prayer. I'm pretty excited about this. I've wanted to do something like this for a while, but I didn't really have anything to go off of. I know lately i have talked a lot about developing compassion for people across the world, and I think that getting on your knees and praying for them is a good place to start. So here it goes. Please pray with me.

Today I am praying for the people in Uzbekistan. Embarrassingly enough, I hadn't actually heard of this country before. From what I understand the creation of new churches is illegal, so the few believers who are there have to meet in homes or in old russian and korean churches. Anyone who is caught holding religious meetings in their homes are sentences to 17 years in prison and their possessions are confiscated. Also, the socio-economic situation there is pretty rough. they have a high unemployment rate, and consequently women are forced to provide for families through prostitution. There's a little bit of information that Frontiers provided. If you read this, please take a moment to pray for them. God cares deeply for these people.

Brokenness

Yesterday I had a moment of heart wrenching brokenness for one of these so called "causes." I started thinking about what it would be like if i cared for all the injustices and oppressed people like I cared personally for this one instance. I pondered the phrase common to at least 100 modern worship songs, "break my heart for what breaks yours," and began to encounter the true meaning of that. When God's heart breaks for something, it must be intense pain. Surely God passionately weeps for his people. How can a truly good God not care intensely when he sees hurt and injustice? For us to pray that we would be broken like God is broken doesn't mean feeling sorry for someone or being moderately affected. It means complete vulnerability. It means willingly opening up your heart to be devastated and to suffer for someone else.

That seems so counter cultural. It is the "righteous anger" that people pick up--not the broken heart. We don't want to hurt; we don't want to be affected so that we are moved to tears and prostrate on the ground, desperate for something to be done...We don't want to be the people who cry all the time because then our compassion won't seem genuine or we seem too easily affected. The tough exterior is much more comfortable.

But I'm tired of it. I am going to cry. I am going to care. At least, I will try. I don't want to talk about something so awful as genocide without being moved by it. I don't want to think of the thousands and thousands of people who will die today from AIDS without hurting for them.

God must have a huge heart to be able to weep for so many people and still be joyous about everything good. I know my heart is not as big as his, but I pray that my heart will be enlarged by really caring people and that I will not be afraid to suffer some on their behalf.

AIDS

Here are a couple things I have been learning from my book:

"AIDS is the biggest public health problem the world has ever faced. It has already surpassed the bubonic plaugue...An estimated 3 million people die each year from AIDS, a death toll that has been compared to twenty fully loaded 747s crashing every single day for a year." Another statistic said that 8,500 people die from AIDS every day. So many people!

The drugs only reach one out of five people suffering from AIDS. While there are considerable expenses in getting people in developing countries the drugs they need, the main expense comes from the patents held by the drug companies. Several generic medicines are being made, but the US cannot endorse them unless they are tested and approved by the FDA. Some pressure is being put on drug companies to allow the drugs to be produced without the patent fee for people in developing countries so that it would be more accessible, but there is little progress yet. The drugs remain expensive or inaccessible even though they are relatively cheap to produce.

I found another quote that said "Africa is America's neighbor. Africa is Europe's neighbor. We are daily standing by while millions of people die for the stupidest reason of all: money." Though I know very little about the conditions of the AIDS crisis, my reading has been unsettling. Helping AIDS patients doesn't have to be as expensive as it is!

There's really not a whole lot of meat to this, I suppose, but being aware of what is going on seems to be important. So there you go.

Global Compassion

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the role of compassion in the church. I have seen so many good examples of people reaching out to friends in compassion and grace. I have often been a recipient. And now this whole "Social Justice" thing has become quite a fad. Let's be green. Let's care about the people who don't have clean drinking water or are oppressed by their governments. That seems like a good fad, I suppose, until it goes out of style.

Why don't we use this time where its exciting to care about these issues to develop some genuine and deep rooted compassion. In a time where information is accessible, let's get out there and hear about what's really going on in our world. After talking with a good friend, I came to the realization that it's hard to be compassionate when you have no experience of a problem. But now we can in some small way experience it by learning and reading about it! For the first time, globalization is allowing us to develop global compassion.

I am going to pursue global compassion. I am taking advantage of the information age and trying to use it for good. I have just started reading "The Skeptic's Guide to the Global AIDS Crisis" and I am going to start posting some of the things I find on here so hopefully whoever (if anyone) stumbles across my blog they too can start developing compassion.